She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen the stars. All the streetlights here dimmed them and limited her view of the beautiful night sky. This is what Dana wanted when she moved to the city, to get away from any semblance of that old small-town existence.
Now she only wished to be back home again.
The move came from a hard decision to buckle down and take a lower-paying job in the city. A means to an end — poverty would be temporary. She knew the only way to break through the glass ceiling came by finishing her degree. No supervisor could overlook her for a promotion again.
Dana swallowed her fear and told herself it wouldn’t matter that she knew no one there. A fresh start will do you good, she thought.
Being invisible among thousands of people did a number on her confidence, and life became too impersonal. She faded into the background. People are too busy to meet a stranger, too suspicious to take a chance on someone they don’t already know.
She quickly realized it was every woman for herself at school. A large university is no place for an intimidated non-traditional student to make new friends. She took it for granted she’d meet like-minded individuals but quickly realized she’d have to make her own way. No one else offered to show her the world, so she started her own search.
She tried online dating, followed all the cautionary measures to meet in a public place and tell someone where you’d go. Safety first and all that. Most importantly to not set her expectations too high. She encountered socially anxious but nice nerds and perverts who breathed heavily on her voicemail or expected sex as payment for company.
Fate cast the next blow when she met a friend of an acquaintance at a club. First vouched for as a “good guy,” the classmate knew nothing of his criminal record since they’d last seen each other. Dana fell for him too quickly, as she was wont to do, and ignored the red flags that otherwise warned her. A nasty amphetamine habit spurred his compulsive lying. The last of his looks and charm the meth hadn’t destroyed, unfortunately, salvaged his believability. He not only took her credit card and apartment key but some of her dignity as well.
Being young, naïve and too trusting, it came as a revelation to learn she could no longer take people at face value. Disillusioned and emotionally bruised, she sat on her balcony awaiting the onset of the new millennium. Gunshots sounded in the distance — the urban version of celebratory fireworks — while feelings imploded within her.
The rest of the world feared the end was near if computers couldn’t transition to 2000, that time would stop if the digits didn’t reset. They were wrong.
She made a mistake moving here.
Hope brought her, but loneliness found her instead. Gazing out at the sky, Dana searched for those imperceptible stars. She looked down at the concrete below and imagined falling off her balcony, landing in a fatal splat on the sideway, and no one claiming her body. Her family might never know if something like that happened. Maybe no one would care.
She imagined someone at the city morgue finally discovering her identity and sending her back home.
***
katy brandes writes 
wow. this was heavy with sadness. nice write.
Thank you for reading and commenting. I knew a couple different people like Dana who tried so hard but just couldn’t seem to get where they wanted.
Oh nooooo! I love Dana….
You did it! You made me care about her and drew me into her story. Superb, seamless “flowy” writing. Loved this!
Thanks, Mama! Maybe Dana only contemplated ending it all. Sometimes I like to leave things “up in the air” (pun intended). 🙂
Yes, you rarely see stars in the city, something I thought about while writing mine. Also, it can be a lonely place, don’t you think?
Yes – a person can still feel very alone in a place with so many people. That makes me think of all the suicides around the holidays. Eleanor Rigby, indeed.
I like the rhythm of your writing. Dana’s story is a familiar one but you told it in a fresh way that made me care. the other comments are spot-on!
Nicely done!
Thanks! I plucked a little out of my own story, as I usually do, and embellished other bits. Appreciate you reading and commenting. 🙂
You wrote about the loneliness of moving to a new city so believably. And the mentioning of the unsettling rumors of societal meltdown at the turn of the century paved the way for the morbid end. Great use of the prompts!
Thanks! I liken it to drowning in an endless sea of people, or at least going under water and grasping for someone to grab hold of your hand.
I hope she doesn’t ‘fall’. Wonderfully written social commentary of our disconnecting world.
Maybe the world was “falling apart” both personally for Dana and on the global scale at the turn of the century, and both kind of worked themselves out. Thanks for commenting!
So much sadness and regret in this. You’ve captured that loneliness and feeling out of place so well. I hope she makes her way home.
I like to think she did, too, Suzanne. Thanks for making your way here and commenting as well!
Nicely done. I like the way it ended, leaving it wide open to what might come next.
Yes! It was the year 2000 – anything could happen!
“No one else offered to show her the world, so she started her own search.” Such a great line – and kind of sums up the whole story. I hope she doesn’t jump!
Kind of a synopsis on being single, imo. Thanks for reading and commenting!